Convention: Prologue

Day one is in the books, and people are already talking.  Depending on who you ask, The Convention is either the biggest political event until November or a dumpster fire burning brightly.  Cleveland is rocking hard with all manner of lunacy the likes of which haven’t been seen since Drew Carey had that damn song playing in my head.

You can’t keep an eye on the press for this one, you understand.  You have to go to the people on the ground and find the things they’re seeing, watch what they’re viewing through their own varied, distorted filters.   It’s not that hard, really.  Journalism as we knew it is dead.  Anyone with an iPhone and access to Periscope can show you what’s really happening, and what’s happening in Cleveland at the Convention is incredibly moving in the same sense a reality TV show is moving.

On the floor, chaos erupted when the last minute #NeverBeast voters attempted to pull some sort of political stunt.  They thought they had enough votes to force a “roll call” vote, which from my understanding of the process would have technically unbound every pledged delegate and allowed all to vote as they believed necessary, conscience or otherwise.  This was their last ditch effort to defeat the Beast’s campaign, and the “NEVER” crowd gave it the good old college try.  They even made the mistake of trying to catch the media’s attention on the matter too.

That was the problem.  The media saw the “revolution” and wanted in on the shining moment when the American people were told their votes didn’t matter, that the delegates were going to spoon feed them some vanilla candidate that wanted nothing more than to pander to the delicate sensibilities of the GOP’s mighty elite.  Cameras and audio rolled in as the throng of angry, butthurt, Beast opponents cried “ROLL CALL! ROLL CALL!” over and over again, shouting down every speaker that took the Convention floor.

The people who wanted to vote their conscience, it turns out, had a different strategy in mind.  They were ready to vote their “conscience” by embarrassing those who were Anti-Beast publicly, in the eyes of the world.  The Roll Call Vote was rejected.  People were embarrassed by their friends and loved ones.  It got so hot inside the Convention hall Colorado walked.  Hard to say why Colorado’s delegates decided to walk on the first day of Convention.  I guess they longed for their non-genetically modified weed, and didn’t remember to bring enough from home.

You know what Colorado forgot?  When you ask people to vote between their conscience and self-interest, people are always going to crank the lever that reads “self-interest.”  That’s human nature, bound into the scripture that is our genetic code.  Any time you tell a person to act a certain way for the “common good” and that “common good” doesn’t jibe with their self-interest, they’re going to  vote the exact polar opposite of what you think is the “common good.”  Every other delegate got it.  Those who kept screaming in the HASHTAG NEVER movement didn’t understand the Beast represents their self-interests.

Once the stupid left, we got the pageantry.  Bad movie star and daytime TV actors telling us building border walls were the same as building walls to keep your neighbors off your lawn, searching for Pikachus or whatever virtual animal Nintendo places around your property lines.  The Beast apparently pandered to those who in the eyes of some were racist, others simply ill-informed or not well spoken.  Point is he let the crazy out and had their say right from the get-go, so the main-event level squad was saved for the rest of Convention.

The last speaker of the night?  The wife of the Beast, here to tell us all why her husband would live up to his promises and Make America Great Again, but not before the Beast entered in all his resplendent glory.  People shat all over his appearance.  Some called his use of Queen’s “We are the Champions” cultural appropriation, of that I’m pretty sure.  Others said his use of backlighting and fog machines equated to a WWE-style entrance.  None of that mattered.  He appeared before his adoring throngs, and gave his blessing before his wife’s speech.

News outlets today already blare of more “cultural appropriation” or “plagiarism” of the speech heard round the world.  It doesn’t matter.  None of it matters.  The truth is that if most of you cared about that bullshit you would have stopped this garbage a long time ago.  The words that blare from your sewers about “cultural appropriation” and “plagiarism” and “racist, sexist, homophobic, ableist” all lost their meaning the more you used them to silence the voices you didn’t care for.

Today we’ll no doubt have more shenanigans, riotous acts from simpering fools sitting outside the Convention hall, and whines of grief when the Beast is nominated.  And there’s nothing you can do about it. Don’t like where we are right now?  Tough.  This is the fruits of your labor in making our society more “tolerant,” “inclusive,” and “just.”  Your fight for “equality” in everything made the Beast rear its head.  Your continued cries of “OMG LOL REALITY STAR WTF” made him gain wings.  Your continued free press, mocking of the “poorly educated,” and ignorance of his specially tailored soundbites, brought you to this point.

Bask in it.  Drink it all in.  There’s nothing we can do but sit back and watch at this point.